No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
