Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
