he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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