we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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