Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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