my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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