Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I believe in your delicious
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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