let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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