You made me cry and you don't even care
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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