I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
