Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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