This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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