I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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