So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
