They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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