how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
