I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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