Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
