please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
