when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
