Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
