Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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