worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
