GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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