Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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