You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
