Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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