yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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