how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
