Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
