dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
