Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
