From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
