OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am naked and annoyed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
