Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
