Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Michael Bay diarrhea
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
