I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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