OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
