took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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