I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.