Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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