am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can I color on your dick again?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
