I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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