I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
