I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
