Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize