Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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