I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
