I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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