yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
