Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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