WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
