When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
