I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
