A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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