This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
