Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
