goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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