JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
