dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
