they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him