We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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