Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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