When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
