i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
