She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
