i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
