just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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