Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love having hate sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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