just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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