hell yes lets make some ravioli
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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