U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
