I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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