So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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