Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
