Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
